Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Defining Myself


Crisis of Faith

Crisis of faith is a term commonly applied, especially in Western culture, to periods of intense doubt and internal conflict about one's preconceived beliefs or life decisions. ~ Wikipedia
I looked this up last night, and thought I would make it a part of my post. I don't think I am having a crisis per se, but I am having a lot of self-doubt in my chosen path, which is why I have decided to discuss my beliefs here, and hopefully get opinions/advice from my followers on this matter. Thanks to IFTTT this blog will copy to my Tumblr and Wordpress from my Blogger, as well as notify Facebook when I've posted, so I should hopefully get at least some commentary.

Faith

Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a being, object, living organism, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion. Faith is used to refer to a belief that is not based on proof or evidence. The word faith is sometimes used as a synonym for hope, for trust, or for belief. ~ Wikipedia
I do have faith in a higher power. But my beliefs in a higher power have changed over time. Growing up, my mom tried exposing me to some different things, but for a while my only concept was Judeo-Christian, I think largely in part due to my father's side of the family (they're Lutheran). My mother, if I recall correctly, was raised Methodist - but this is beside the point. She didn't have my sister or I baptized, because she wanted us to choose our own religious paths in life, and I have take this philosophy for my own children, and I thank her for taking it with me.

Higher Power

My current belief in a higher power is more or less as follows. I believe that there was once a higher power, consisting of no gender, who decided to split themself into many, so better to manage the world and the people in it. This is how we came to have many cultures' deities. They are all manifestations of the same creative force. Odin and Frigg are every bit as real as Zeus and Hera, and so on. 

Following A Specific Higher Power

I used to think that you had to follow a specific deity to be a part of Wicca - that I needed to put a face to what I was praying to. But now I don't feel that so much anymore. It's not a matter of not believing, but more a matter of not confining myself. That isn't to say I can't pay attention to whomever is trying to get my attention, or to ask for help from whomever I need, but more to say that I shouldn't focus on one and ignore others. Pray to the Divine, and whomsoever listens shall listen, and I shall be grateful for it. 

Heaven and Hell

I stopped believing in heaven and hell at least twenty years ago, if not longer. I could sear to you that I read  in a school textbook that they were concepts made up by medieval clergyman to scare the populace into going to church. And it made such perfect sense that things just clicked into place for me, as far as that was concerned. I never was able to find that text again, so I think it was just someone opening my eyes to the truth (side note: I was incredibly into Greek mythology at the time, so it may well have been a deity of that pantheon that opened my eyes). So where then, you may ask, do people go when they die? I'll cover that under my next subheading.

Death

People die. It's an unfortunate, but necessary part of life. So where do you go when you die? The closest approximation I can come to what I believe, is the Summerlands. I's a place to go and to rest in between incarnations. Yes, I very much believe in reincarnation. I've had past lives, and have been informed that I am an old soul. When I was told this, it came as no surprise to me. I just don't remember many of my previous lives.

Tolerance

I personally think that I am very tolerant of other religions. Do I have a distaste for Christianity in general? Yes. Do I fault people for believing that way? No. I generally don't have a problem with someone else's faith and beliefs until they start trying to tell me that I am wrong, or they try to convert me. Then I have a problem.


Wicca

I've considered myself Wiccan for the past few years. But so much self-doubt about if I can really do it has held me back, that I don't even read the books I have on the subject. I've tried reading one particular book several times over the past few  years, but I keep not retaining the information. That seems to be my problem with non-fiction in general - it doesn't hold my interest as well as fiction, so I don't retain the information as well, or can sit and read it for long.

Rede

I wrote about this a long time ago (well, two and a half years ago, on my Wordpress blog), and it still holds true. I'm going to copy what I wrote there over here, so as not to send people everywhere trying to understand what it is that I'm saying. Basically, I follow a blogger on Wordpress named Rowan Hale. She wrote the below post that I have copied in its entirely back in 2012 about the Wiccan Rede and it's shortcomings. I am in agreement with her. Here is the link to her post.

Daily Routine

I don't have a daily routine, and I really should. I keep meaning to, but there's that self-doubt thing that always creeps up. Or maybe it's just laziness - I'm honestly not sure. What do I feel I should do? Well, morning and evening prayers with my kids are probably a very good idea - I haven't been doing that. As it is, I don't always get the kids to do evening prayers. Daily meditation and grounding might be a good idea too, as well as taking better care of myself.

Ritual and Spells

Let's be clear - I have never done a ritual or performed a spell (that I am aware of anyway). I mean, sure I have a knack for kneading and pulling stress from my husband's aura, but does that count as a spell? I don't think it does, it's just something I try because it feels like the right thing to do.

Altar

I do not have an altar set up. I have neglected to set one up for a very long time, making the excuse that my youngest son will get into things and destroy it, or that I don't have the right tools or all of the tools for a proper altar. It is slowly coming to me that an altar doesn't need to be like this, but should be whatever you feel is appropriate for you. 

The "Right Way" To Do Things

There is no "right way" to do your spirituality. Come up with your own ideas, philosophies and beliefs, mesh them together and practice your own way. That is what I am coming to learn

Conclusion

In conclusion, I can't think of anything else to write about my beliefs right now. I think I have covered all the bases, and I've been distracted by music, so that doesn't help either, lol. Note to self: heavy metal not conducive to writing introspective posts!

1 comment:

  1. Let me start out by saying, I understand what you mean by "crisis of faith". Here is my two cents: I feel you need to figure out WHY you are hesitating. Something inside you is holding you back. You need to figure out what that is, because, honestly, if you wanted to walk the Wiccan path, you would. You would find a way. You would find it so enjoyable that it would call to you.
    Now, that is not to say the Wiccan path is not for you. It may be, but you have a wall up and only you can answer WHY.
    And to give you some back story to why I say this I will tell you a bit about my path. I have been where you are. Sometimes, I still find myself there.
    I had been a 'faithful' follow of the Wiccan path for more than 10 years. I had even gathered trusted practitioners (2 others) that I formed a circle to practice with.
    But then one of them committed suicide.
    He was not only my spiritual partner, he was my bestfriend, lover, roomate....and most likely soulmate.
    Now, I won't go into the whole story, but trust me when I say it was my fault.
    But in his Last Letter, he used our faith and things I had said about my beliefs to justify what he was doing.
    And by doing that, he took away the one source of comfort I may have found at that time. My faith failed me.
    I then walked the world lost and claimed Atheism for five years.
    Then, I knew I needed my spirituality back. But after shutting out the God and Goddess for five years, it was not easy to open myself back up.
    In fact, I still feel the resistance. Practicing without him feels so wrong that I often choose not to perform a ritual at all. I still shut down spiritually on occasion. I still struggle to get my groove back.
    But that is MY why... What is yours?

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